Being mom...
Sometimes being a mom is hard. It's harder than those commercials where the child is throwing a fit for 5 seconds. It's a kid throwing a fit all day long. Screaming at the highest pitch she can manage. It's fighting to get them to eat even a few bites of food because their teeth hurt and they refuse to eat anything all day. It's no nap because they refuse to give in and sleep. and if I am being honest (which I try very hard to be because moming is hard enough without trying to pretend that every moment is pure bliss, smiles and laughter) sometimes it just feels like they hate you. I mean that in the nicest way I possibly can, but when your child is throwing a fit screaming on the floor and you try to pick them up and help them and they bite/scratch/pinch you, you don't really feel the love.
In fact yesterday was such a day for me. All. Day. Long. And when 6:30 FINALLY came around and I laid her down to sleep I had tears in my eyes. Because I truly felt like my baby didn't like me. That's one of the days that I have the hardest time with. Because even the days when she is just craby and wants me to hold her all day, at least I know that as "mommy" I can make it all better. I love my snuggles and the kisses. I love the rocking her while she stares into my soul and I sing to her. I LOVE being mommy. It's the best! So when being mommy is no help at all to her, I feel helpless to make her better. I feel like im a bad mom. I feel like my whole world my whole existence is to make her happy, to teach her, and watch her grow up. That is my job, it's what I am, So when I can't do that, and see her smile it leaves me broken hearted.
I guess maybe that means I am doing okay because I feel that way, but in the moment you don't feel okay. You feel lost, sad and helpless. And I personally hate to feel helpless. I am the person that bakes, cooks or cleans in a stressful time because at least I am doing something at that point.
Thankfully this morning when that little beasty woke up she had smiles for me. She was happy and played. She gave me kisses and hugs and sang old mcdonald. She was my fierce crazy girl again, and I was able to get her to eat, to smile and laugh. And I felt like a better mommy. Hopefully I am not the only one who has bad mommy days, and luckily I have the most amazing husband in the world who supports me and lifts me up when I need it. And brings me chocolate. Like a lot. He knows me well lol!! And I am thankful I have him by my side to make me happy, do crazy things with, and live this life with. <3
Okay, done with the mushy stuff!! haha! However, I am curious who reads this! So if you are by chance a mom or dad that has hard days, please let me know I am not alone!! And if you aren't a mom or dad... SAY HI ANYWAYS!! ;)
In fact yesterday was such a day for me. All. Day. Long. And when 6:30 FINALLY came around and I laid her down to sleep I had tears in my eyes. Because I truly felt like my baby didn't like me. That's one of the days that I have the hardest time with. Because even the days when she is just craby and wants me to hold her all day, at least I know that as "mommy" I can make it all better. I love my snuggles and the kisses. I love the rocking her while she stares into my soul and I sing to her. I LOVE being mommy. It's the best! So when being mommy is no help at all to her, I feel helpless to make her better. I feel like im a bad mom. I feel like my whole world my whole existence is to make her happy, to teach her, and watch her grow up. That is my job, it's what I am, So when I can't do that, and see her smile it leaves me broken hearted.
I guess maybe that means I am doing okay because I feel that way, but in the moment you don't feel okay. You feel lost, sad and helpless. And I personally hate to feel helpless. I am the person that bakes, cooks or cleans in a stressful time because at least I am doing something at that point.
Thankfully this morning when that little beasty woke up she had smiles for me. She was happy and played. She gave me kisses and hugs and sang old mcdonald. She was my fierce crazy girl again, and I was able to get her to eat, to smile and laugh. And I felt like a better mommy. Hopefully I am not the only one who has bad mommy days, and luckily I have the most amazing husband in the world who supports me and lifts me up when I need it. And brings me chocolate. Like a lot. He knows me well lol!! And I am thankful I have him by my side to make me happy, do crazy things with, and live this life with. <3
Okay, done with the mushy stuff!! haha! However, I am curious who reads this! So if you are by chance a mom or dad that has hard days, please let me know I am not alone!! And if you aren't a mom or dad... SAY HI ANYWAYS!! ;)
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